Chapter 10
The next morning broke with a bitter frost,
covering the green lawn in a layer of sparkling white,
and freezing the small puddles in the driveway,
into solid sheets of dangerous ice.
Diane woke up early with a sudden burst of energy,
announcing a major change in her charity plans,
while we drank our hot coffee in the kitchen.
I am going to the downtown homeless shelter today,
she stated firmly,
setting her warm mug on the wooden table.
They have a massive shortage of volunteers,
and they desperately need hot food for the incoming crowds,
so I am taking all the bread we baked yesterday,
and I am going to serve lunch.
My heart stopped completely in my chest,
and a cold wave of pure terror washed over me,
freezing my blood instantly.
The downtown shelter was exactly where the day laborers went,
when the weather became too freezing to survive outside,
and the chances of Aaron being there,
were incredibly,
and terrifyingly high.
You cannot go there,
I blurted out quickly,
my voice sounding far too loud,
and far too panicked in the quiet kitchen.
It is dangerous, Diane,
it is not a safe environment for you,
and you could get terribly sick from the crowds.
She looked at me with deep surprise,
her eyebrows knitting together in gentle confusion,
and she placed a warm hand on my cold arm.
I have been there before,
she reminded me softly,
the security is perfectly fine,
and these people just need a warm meal,
and a tiny bit of human kindness.
I will write them a massive check,
I offered desperately,
I will donate ten thousand dollars right now,
just let them hire professional staff,
and please stay home today.
She shook her head slowly,
a look of quiet determination settling on her face,
a stubbornness that I had always admired,
but now completely dreaded.
Money is not the same as showing up,
she said gently but firmly,
I need to do this with my own two hands,
it gives me a sense of true purpose,
and I am not going to change my mind.
I knew it was absolutely pointless to argue,
when she used that specific tone of voice,
and my mind raced frantically,
trying to find a way to prevent a disaster.
Then I am coming with you,
I declared instantly,
standing up from the wooden chair.
I will cancel all my morning meetings,
and I will help you serve the food,
but I am not letting you go down there alone.
She smiled brightly,
clearly touched by my sudden,
and unexpected willingness to volunteer,
and she kissed me sweetly on the lips.
That is wonderful,
she beamed happily,
we make a great team,
and it will be a wonderful experience for us both.
I forced a weak,
and entirely fake smile in return,
while inside my stomach churned violently,
knowing I was walking straight into a minefield,
and dragging my innocent wife right along with me.
I went upstairs to change into casual clothes,
my hands shaking slightly as I buttoned my shirt,
preparing myself for the most stressful day,
of my entire long life.
We loaded the back of the SUV with large boxes,
filled to the brim with fresh,
and wonderfully fragrant loaves of baked bread,
and we drove slowly toward the downtown shelter.
The streets were gray,
and covered in dirty slush from the recent snow,
and the line of people outside the shelter doors,
wrapped completely around the brick building,
a miserable collection of shivering,
and desperate souls.
I parked the car in the secure alleyway,
and we carried the heavy boxes inside,
entering a chaotic,
and incredibly noisy room,
filled with folding tables,
and the strong smell of cheap soup.
The shelter director welcomed us warmly,
directing us to the busy serving line,
where Diane immediately put on a plastic apron,
and a pair of serving gloves,
her face glowing with pure,
and genuine kindness.
I took the station right next to her,
handing out the slices of thick bread,
while my eyes constantly scanned the long line,
searching every single dirty,
and tired face that passed by.
The first hour went smoothly without incident,
just an endless stream of grateful strangers,
mumbling quiet thanks as they took their food,
and moved toward the crowded tables.
I began to slightly relax my tense shoulders,
hoping desperately that Aaron was still at the lumber yard,
or simply at a different shelter across town,
and that we would escape this terrifying ordeal,
completely unscathed.
But then the main doors opened again,
letting in a blast of freezing wind,
and a new group of men shuffled slowly inside,
stomping the snow off their heavy boots.
I saw him immediately,
standing near the back of the small group,
his head down,
his hands tucked deep into his pockets,
and his shoulders hunched against the bitter cold.
Panic exploded in my chest like a bomb,
and my breath completely abandoned my lungs,
as I realized he was only fifty feet away,
and slowly shuffling toward the serving line,
where his mother stood smiling brightly.
I had to distract her,
I had to get her out of the room instantly,
before he looked up and saw her face.
Diane,
I said loudly,
grabbing her arm a bit too roughly,
making her jump in complete surprise.
I feel terribly dizzy,
I lied with absolute,
and complete desperation,
I think I am going to pass out,
I need some fresh air immediately.
She dropped her plastic serving tongs,
her eyes widening in pure alarm,
and she reached out to support my arm,
completely forgetting about the long line of people.
Oh my god,
she gasped quickly,
you look completely pale,
let's get you to the back office,
and find you a chair to sit down.
I leaned heavily against her small frame,
pretending to be incredibly weak,
and I let her guide me quickly away from the serving line,
rushing toward the private staff rooms in the back.
As we turned the corner,
I risked one last,
and terrified glance over my shoulder,
looking back at the long line of hungry men.
Aaron had reached the front of the line,
and he was looking directly at the empty spot,
where Diane had been standing just seconds before.
He looked confused for a brief moment,
but then the next volunteer stepped up,
handing him a bowl of hot soup,
and he shuffled away,
May you like
completely unaware of how close he had just come,
to destroying our fragile world entirely.
