Chapter 12
We stepped inside the warm,
and brightly lit hallway of our home,
and the sudden contrast to the freezing shelter,
made me shiver violently,
shaking the last bits of snow from my coat.
Diane immediately took my wet boots,
placing them neatly on the rubber mat,
and she guided me gently toward the living room,
fussing over me like a worried nurse.
Sit down on the couch right now,
she ordered with a firm,
but incredibly loving tone,
while I go to the kitchen,
and make you a large mug of hot tea.
I didn't argue with her sweet command,
sinking heavily into the soft cushions,
and staring blankly at the dark fireplace,
while my mind raced with a thousand chaotic,
and completely terrifying possibilities.
I could hear her clinking spoons,
and opening cabinets in the other room,
her soft humming drifting through the doorway,
a sound that usually brought me immense peace,
but tonight only filled me with deep sorrow.
How long could I possibly keep this charade going,
before the fragile house of cards collapsed,
and buried us both in the painful wreckage.
If she had turned around just one second later,
if the serving line had moved just a bit faster,
she would have looked directly into his tired,
and terribly hollow eyes.
I rubbed my aching temples vigorously,
trying to massage away the massive headache,
that was blooming painfully behind my eyes,
fueled by sheer panic,
and exhausting adrenaline.
Diane returned a few minutes later,
carrying a steaming mug of chamomile tea,
and she sat closely beside me on the couch,
watching my face with intense,
and loving scrutiny.
You still look incredibly pale,
she whispered softly,
reaching up to stroke my cheek,
do you think we should call the doctor,
just to be absolutely safe?
I shook my head slowly,
forcing another fake,
and reassuring smile onto my lips,
and took the warm mug from her delicate hands.
I just need a good night of sleep,
I lied smoothly,
taking a careful sip of the hot liquid,
it was just the stuffy air in the shelter,
and the overwhelming smell of the cheap food.
She sighed softly,
leaning her head against my shoulder,
and we sat together in the quiet room,
listening to the wind howling against the glass.
I hated lying to her so effortlessly,
hated the dark,
and ugly feeling it left in my chest,
but I knew it was the only way,
to protect the beautiful life we had built.
I finished the tea in complete silence,
and we slowly made our way upstairs,
the wooden steps creaking loudly in the dark,
sounding exactly like warning bells,
ringing out into the quiet winter night.
The night was long,
and completely devoid of any restful sleep,
as I tossed and turned in the large bed,
tangling the heavy blankets around my legs,
and staring wide-eyed at the dark ceiling.
Every time I closed my exhausted eyes,
I saw Aaron's deeply lined face,
his hunched,
and freezing shoulders shivering in the cold,
and the completely dead,
and hopeless look in his dark eyes.
He had aged twenty years in only five,
the cruel streets taking a heavy,
and completely unforgiving toll on his body,
stripping away the handsome,
and arrogant boy he used to be.
I listened to Diane breathing softly beside me,
her chest rising and falling in a steady,
and peaceful rhythm,
blissfully unaware of the terrible nightmare,
that was currently unfolding in my mind.
I slipped quietly out of the warm bed,
careful not to wake her from her deep slumber,
and padded softly across the carpeted floor,
heading down the dark hallway to my study.
I closed the heavy oak door behind me,
and turned on the small desk lamp,
casting long,
and eerie shadows across the quiet room.
I opened the bottom drawer of my desk,
reaching far back into the dusty corner,
and pulled out a small,
and incredibly old metal lockbox.
I had kept this box hidden for years,
a secret vault containing the painful,
and absolutely shameful evidence of the past,
the things I couldn't bear to throw away,
but could never allow her to see.
I fumbled with the tiny brass key,
my hands shaking slightly in the cold air,
and popped the lid open with a loud click,
revealing the stack of folded papers inside.
There were the old police reports,
the final eviction notices,
and the terrible,
and cruel letter he had written to her,
which I had intercepted in the daily mail,
and hidden away forever to save her heart.
He had demanded money in that letter,
threatening to ruin our lives completely,
and spewing hateful,
and completely venomous lies about us both.
I read through the crinkled pages again,
feeling the old anger,
and the deep resentment rising in my chest,
reminding myself exactly why I had banished him,
and why he deserved to stay in the dark.
He was a completely destructive force,
a chaotic hurricane of addiction and pain,
and I would never let him blow through our home,
and destroy the peace we had finally found.
I locked the box back up tightly,
shoving it deep into the dark drawer,
and made a firm,
May you like
and absolutely unbreakable resolution right then,
that I would handle him myself tomorrow.
