Chapter 11
The back office was incredibly small,
and it smelled heavily of stale coffee,
and damp winter coats,
with a single fluorescent bulb,
flickering weakly on the ceiling above.
Diane hovered nervously around me,
her hands trembling slightly,
as she desperately searched the messy desk,
looking for a clean cup,
or a bottle of cold water.
I sat heavily in the folding chair,
leaning my head back against the wall,
and taking long,
and exaggeratedly slow breaths,
pretending to fight off a wave of nausea.
My heart was still pounding violently,
hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird,
and I could barely hear her panicked voice,
over the rushing sound in my own ears.
I kept my eyes tightly closed,
terrified that if I looked at her,
she would instantly see the dark lie,
hidden plainly in my desperate expression.
The sounds of the busy dining hall,
drifted loudly through the thin walls,
the clatter of cheap plastic bowls,
and the low murmur of tired,
and hungry voices.
I knew Aaron was out there right now,
standing just a few dozen yards away,
holding a bowl of hot soup,
and completely unaware of our presence.
I had to get her out of this building,
before he finished his meager meal,
and started wandering down the hallway,
looking for the public restrooms,
or a quiet place to sit down.
I slowly opened my eyes,
putting on a brave,
and terribly strained smile,
and I reached out to gently squeeze her hand.
I feel a little better now,
I whispered softly,
my voice shaking just enough to sound real,
but I think we need to go home,
before the dizzy spell comes back again.
Diane nodded her head in immediate agreement,
her eyes still wide with genuine concern,
and she quickly grabbed my heavy winter coat,
helping me slide my arms into the thick sleeves.
We didn't bother saying goodbye to the director,
or the other busy volunteers,
slipping quietly out the back emergency exit,
and stepping directly into the freezing,
and unforgiving winter wind.
The cold air hit my face like a physical blow,
but I welcomed the sharp,
and biting sensation,
using it to clear my completely chaotic thoughts.
I leaned heavily on her shoulder,
playing the part of the sick husband perfectly,
as we walked slowly across the icy pavement,
heading toward the safety of the parked SUV.
Every single step felt like an absolute eternity,
and I kept waiting to hear his harsh voice,
calling out her name from the alleyway,
but the only sound was the crunching snow,
beneath our heavy winter boots.
We finally reached the familiar vehicle,
and I climbed gratefully into the passenger seat,
letting out a long,
and incredibly shaky sigh of profound relief,
as she started the cold engine.
The drive back to our quiet suburban home,
was filled with a thick,
and heavily oppressive silence,
broken only by the steady rhythm of the wipers,
scraping against the frosty glass.
Diane kept her eyes glued to the dark road,
her knuckles completely white on the steering wheel,
navigating the dangerous patches of black ice,
with intense and terrifying concentration.
I stared blankly out the side window,
watching the blurry city lights pass by,
and feeling a cold,
and terrible dread settling deep into my stomach.
We had escaped the immediate danger,
but the reality of the terrifying situation,
was slowly beginning to crush my soul.
Aaron was alive,
and he was back in our city,
living on the cold,
and miserable streets like a stray animal.
I had spent the last five long years,
convincing her that he was finally gone,
that he had moved to the sunny west coast,
and found a new,
and wonderful life for himself.
It was a complex and beautiful lie,
crafted with desperate,
and completely necessary intentions,
to save her from the absolute heartbreak,
of watching her only son destroy himself.
I remembered the terrible night I kicked him out,
the screaming,
the broken glass on the living room floor,
and the cruel,
and hateful words he spat at me,
before vanishing into the cold November rain.
I had promised myself right then,
that I would shield her from his toxic chaos,
no matter the personal cost,
or the terrible burden I would have to carry.
But now,
the ghost from our painful past,
had suddenly reappeared in the flesh,
standing in the soup line of a downtown shelter,
less than ten miles from our warm home.
I glanced over at Diane's gentle face,
illuminated softly by the dashboard lights,
and a fresh wave of deep,
and overwhelming guilt washed over me.
She loved him with an unconditional,
and beautifully pure motherly love,
and if she ever discovered the awful truth,
that I had lied about his whereabouts,
and let him freeze on the winter streets,
it would absolutely destroy our marriage,
and shatter her fragile spirit forever.
I had to find him tomorrow,
I had to track him down secretly,
and figure out a permanent,
and completely foolproof solution,
before she ever decided to volunteer again.
The SUV finally turned onto our familiar street,
the tall oak trees covered in fresh snow,
and our house sitting quietly at the end,
looking like a safe,
and impenetrable fortress against the cold world.
But I knew the truth,
that the walls were incredibly thin,
and the danger was already circling our home,
May you like
waiting for the perfect,
and devastating moment to strike.
